Yom Kippur was this past weekend. For those who don’t know about this Jewish holiday, it’s a time to reflect on the past year, atone for mistakes, and make plans to be a better person in the year ahead. And to make it all more meaningful, you fast and go to synagogue. I’ll be honest. In past years, I reflected a lot. I reflected about how the day before, I had some yummy coffee and a bagel. While I sat in synagogue in the morning, I reflected on the pasta I had for dinner and whether there was any more in the fridge. After synagogue, I thought about how I really needed to focus on changes I could make in my life, how I’d be more spiritual and attend more religious services and–gosh, they always have such delicious pastries after those services and to-die-for Challah and I really hope someone brings that chocolate babka when we break the fast, and–what was I thinking about?
However, this year was different. I did think about coffee because how can you not? But I actually took stock of what I have and what I should be thankful for and what the year ahead holds and how important it is to be positive about the good things we have. I was out for a walk with a friend of mine after my last supper (for the next 24 hours anyway), and we were talking about some issues we have with self-esteem and why we feel the way we do, and I shared some writing things that had been going on last week (that were out of my control), and the conversation went in another direction and to our kids and bad tv and so on. At one point, though, she said, “It’s amazing, isn’t it? You must be so excited. Your book will be out in almost a month and you’re accomplishing what you said you would, what you set out to do. It’s so inspirational to me. You must be so proud.” And I had to think about it. Think about it?! The high school and college me and even the before agent me would have slapped me. And had this been a friend all this stuff was happening to, I would have said, “My gosh, you are amazing. That’s so fantastic!” But to me, I had to stop and think.
And I realized how ridiculous my attitude is and how it’s necessary to change it. I have a lot: a great husband, the opportunity to stay home with my beyond awesome three old boy, a great family who lives super close, a house, and now a book coming out. I’m not going to be all Pollyanna because that’s so not me. But I do need to take stock more, appreciate what I have. And I’m happy to say, I did that all Yom Kippur. I thought of coffee three times, but other than that, I had fun playing with my kid and cats and making fun of my hubby who acted as if he was dying of starvation and giving my head a break from all writing angst.
That night, after Yom Kippur ended, I did catch up on e-mails and plan a bit of my writing schedule for the week, but I was calmer. I think I’ll take stock weekly now–with a strong cup of coffee by my side.
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