I used to be a control freak. It served me well when I was a teacher. Helped keep me organized. I found out lots of teachers were control freaks so I was in good company. The funny thing is that I didn’t realize how much this was a part of me until it was gone. My family warned me that it was going to be tough for me when I had my son. “Can’t be all about you and how you want things anymore,” my brother-in-law constantly told me while I was pregnant. “Yeah, yeah. I know,” I always said, but a part of me did worry about that. And then my Kiddo was born and the control thing was the least of my problems. I was amazed how easy it was to switch all my attention to Kiddo and away from me, how easy it was to give up control of my life for what was better for him. As he grew older, I realized how the rest of my world functioned on the assumption that moms needs some room for dallying. I would rush to get to our Mommy and Me music, library or gym classes on time only to discover nothing started until 10 minutes after the “start” time. I got into that groove. I stopped (and still do) and watched mowers and blowers and dump trucks. But now, the flexible schedule has started to affect my writing. Now, Kiddo is almost 2.5 years old and I need some of my old freakishness back.
It’s not that I’m totally UNproductive. It’s just that I could be more. I would LIKE to be more. I could go on and say how hard it is to write when Kiddo’s naps are short these days and that I would rather watch GLEE when I finally put him to bed than pick up a pen or open my laptop (I open it to play Bejeweled Blitz but I have yet to find a way to spin this as a productive activity). But I’m not alone in this. Lots of writers have kids. My friends and husband tell me that I’ll have lots of time to write more when Kiddo is older but that’s not useful to me. I highly doubt my agent is going to wait until Kiddo starts first grade to see a draft of my next book. Yeah, she said she wouldn’t rush me, but I think waiting 4 years is a bit much. 🙂 I know, too, I can ask her for a deadline but then I might not make it and as I wrote in my first post, I have NOT missed a deadline. Ever. I’m not going to start. So I need to find a way to write more. I figure my fave shows are going on a hiatus for a bit now so perfect timing! But there’s another obstacle I’ve learned about two days ago.
My husband is an actuary (does stuff with numbers, statistics, lots and lots of big bad math–and, no, he doesn’t figure out when people die) and has nine exams he has to take. He has completed seven, which is huge, but we have been putting off the last two because it was hard to study with an infant/young toddler. A few days ago he found out he really needs to take the last two–like right now–before some major exam stuff is changed. If you don’t know about actuarial exams, I don’t want to take away your innocence. I will only say that they’re super scary–like fangs, claws, fur–and they kidnap my hubby during the study period. In the past–in my cute control freak days–I would help keep him on track with his studying. He’d ASK me to even. We would make up a study plan and I’d be his little cheerleader and nag. Now, I have my own motivation problems. I need someone to make a schedule for ME.
Can any of you help? Can you be the Monica to my Rachel and control my writing life? Yes, you control freaks out there get to play puppet master! Anyone want to make me a plan? Give me tips on how to get my inner control freak back? All ideas welcome!! I have an MG to write, another YA idea I want to do, a WIP, and a January project. I need to sell stuff so I can get my kid a pony (or a Thomas the Train train set, whatever). Thanks!