Blog Chain: Fear is a State of Mind

Another blog chain and I’m a day late. What else is new? Today’s chain is brought to us by the fearless Christine. She asks:

“What is the main character of you current WiP most afraid of and why? Don’t use a previously finished work. This is all about discovering the inner motivations of your current characters – the ones you don’t know all that well yet.”

One of the reasons I’m late on this chain is because I was grappling with how to do it. According to the rules, I can’t use INCONVENIENT. The YA I have coming out November 2011 is not a good choice either as my ed is currently working on his editorial letter for it. My MG will hopefully be out on sub very soon so don’t want to use that either. That leaves me with the idea I got last week, and that’s in such in infant stages, I don’t want to mess with thinking about it too much too soon. There is one aspect of STILL-IN-BELLY YA, I can focus on. It will be told from two points of view and one thing I know I can write about is the female MC’s–Leila–fear of not knowing whether a kiss will be the last. So here’s an excerpt with her fear told via dialogue with boyfriend Conner. And, let me remind everyone, still super early stages–like when you’re pregnant and you start telling people about the baby-to-be when the stick turns blue.

We lay on the grass beside each other and stared at the stars, the quiet marred only by planes flying overhead. My head was on his shoulder and our ankles connected in an X. He moved his hand beside mine and laced our fingers together. If I closed my eyes and let myself be totally in the moment, it would be like yesterday’s fight and the one before that and the one before that one that we thought would be our first and last, like a rite of relationship passage, had never happened. But they all did. I sat up and sat “criss-cross apple sauce” –as the geeky character I played liked to say.

“What’s wrong?” asked Conner because he knew that lying beside him was something I hated giving up.

“I want you to promise me something,” I said.

“Anything, babe.” He smiled that cocky grin of his that I used to think was meant only for me. Now it was plastered on every teen magazine cover, letting other girls think he was grinning for them alone.

“I’m serious.”

He put away his smile, but I still saw it lurking. “Me too.” He tried to tickle me on my side and I pulled away. He sighed. “Didn’t we just have a fight? Too soon for another, don’t you think?”

Definitely too soon. I smiled at him. “This won’t be a fight.” I gently kicked his toe with mine.

He sat up and put his arm around me. “Whatever you need, Leila.”

“Promise me we’ll know when our last kiss will be.”

He pulled away. “What is that supposed to mean? Are you breaking up with me?”

No no no. “No!”

“Sounds like a break-up talk to me.” He pulled at grass and threw it at our feet.

“It’s not, OK?” I moved in beside him again and this time he didn’t pull away. “The thing is that people do break up. All the time. In this business especially.” I saw him open his mouth to protest and shook my head. “Maybe we’ll be the few who not only make it but stay together from this point on forever and forever.” Sarcasm seeped into my voice and I tried to push it away. But it was the truth. My parents. His parents. Brad and Jen. Statistics.

“Maybe we will,” he said, taking my hand. Did he really believe that or was his acting THAT good?

“But if we don’t, I don’t want to be those couples who regret I should have done this or that. Or if I had only known this would be the last time his lips touched mine, I woNuld have savored all of it. I don’t want to wake up after a fight and realize that was it. No more kisses. No more you. Just like that.”

He got up. “This is crazy.”

I jumped up and grabbed his hand. “I’m not ending this. But promise me. I can’t be like my mom wondering wondering wondering.”

He tilted my chin up and kissed me. Deep. Hard. A real kiss. Not the acting kind he did with Jenna. “I promise,” he said.

Please stop by Laura’s blog to see her character’s fears!